Rain again, Live again
by Batty Angel
Summary: AU fic. WataDou. Watanuki has gone through many sorrows in his life. Now that he is 24 years old and feeling broken hearted he loses all hope in living and ever loving again. Can this amber eyed stranger save Watanuki from himself before it's too late?
1. Chapter 1

Well, this is my first ever xxxholic fic so it might not be any good. Sorry '

Also it is and alternative universe fic (since over at an LJ community there was a post on ideas for AU fiction and I thought that I would like to give it a try), and will include OHGASP! Yaoi! Since the main pairing will be Watanuki/Doumeki, although there is a bit of Watanuki/Himawari.

Disclaimer: I do not own xxxHolic nor the cast of xxxHolic, they belong to CLAMP. sighs. though I wished I did... though I don't think I could afford the price of the equivalent exchange. XD

I hope someone enjoys this fic, we have quite a journey to go before it is over :)

Rain again, Love again.

It was raining again.

For Watanuki, it was a day like this he could remember moving to this town at the age of ten with his Mother and Father. He had thought it was the worst day in his life when they had left their old home and friends behind. At least that was what he had thought, until his first day at school he had made a new friend. Thinking about it now Watanuki could not remember the boy's name, only his face and warm friendly smile. It had also rained when he made his first new friend. School had ended and Watanuki had forgotten his umbrella, leaving him standing on his own waiting for the rain to stop. Then he heard someone say to him if he would like to share an umbrella with him. Watanuki remember smiling then. But despite all the other times Watanuki had spent time with this other boy, all the fun and laughter they had shared, he could only remember the day his friend had said goodbye. It wasn't a 'Good-bye-forever' but the sort of goodbye that meant 'I'll see you tomorrow.' But that wasn't the case. The days passed by and his friend never came back. He remembered someone saying that he and his family had left to go overseas. But surely his friend would have said something, wouldn't he?

Watanuki sighed softly to himself. He was now 24 years old, wearing a black suit and standing in a graveyard. The raindrops were almost unnoticeable to him as he wondered deeper into his memories. The day his parents died. It was still so strange to Watanuki when he tries to remember what had happened on that day. It was like any other day. Father had made breakfast and Mother made sure that Watanuki took an umbrella to school with him since the weather man said that there would be showers. He had just started middle school at the time. He was feeling quite content since it was just another day of school, nothing special happened. But when he had gotten home there was a police man at his house. Watanuki can just about remember being told that his parents were involved in an accident, but afterwards it was blank. Perhaps he had blocked it out or maybe he had just forgotten.

He could defiantly remember the day he moved in with Yuuko, his foster mother. Although he had never referred to her as a foster mother and neither did she. If anything Yuuko was the dead opposite of what a guardian should be, for one thing she was utterly insane. At least that's what Watanuki had thought. Although Watanuki had to admit that he respected her quite a bit and felt quite attached, although he would never let her know that since he could practically predict weeks and weeks of her teasing and tormenting. He enjoyed helping out at her store, which sold many antiques and collectibles from all around the world, it almost felt like he was traveling through different dimensions and exploring strange new worlds. Especially with Himawari...

"Himawari chan..."

Watanuki had sounded broken as he fell to his knees in front of a grave stone, trying so hard not to cry. Himawari was... no... is still the most important person in his life. Ever since the first day they had met in high school Watanuki knew she was the one. Although Yuuko did at one point suggest that Himawari could possibly be just a crush (Watanuki remembered the rant-filled response he gave in return for that comment, lasting about three hours even though he could tell that Yuuko was just messing around with him again), but it did not mean she disapprove of Himawari. In fact poor Himawari was used in many of Yuuko's plots to annoy Watanuki.

In the young spectacled man's hands, Watanuki held a music box that he had given to Himawari for a wedding gift. It was quite old and had been in Yuuko's shop for several years. Whenever Himawari came by to say hello, she had always asked Yuuko if it was okay for her to listen the music box's tune. Yuuko had never said no to this request even though normally she gets quite annoyed when customers just fiddled with the items, then again Himawari was always so very careful when handling the box. Watanuki closed his eyes, visualizing her slender fingers twisting the silver key and the look on her face and the music played. It took some time working for Yuuko to pay for the musical treasure. He can remember the look of joy Himawari had in her beautiful eyes. Thinking about it all now caused Watanuki to cried harder than ever in his life. They were married happily for two years, without any arguments or fights. As Watanuki worked for Yuuko as well as help look after the children she had recently fostered, Himawari was a kindergarten teacher. They had both thought about having children of their own, but... just like his parents and his friends, she was taken away from him. She fell ill. The doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong and Watanuki...

He could still feel her hand in his as the young man sat by his wife's bed in the hospital. Her sweet voice still rang in his ears from their last conversation.

"Kimihiro kun, you should go home and get some rest."

"I'm not leaving you."

No matter what anyone said, no one in this world could tell him to go. Both his stubbornness and fear of losing Himawari kept him right next to her.

After a pause of silence he saw a pained but beautiful smile form on her face.

"I love you..."

Somehow at some point Watanuki fell asleep and when he woke up he felt a limp hand. She was gone before he could even say goodbye.

'Why do people always leave me?' Watanuki thought sadly to himself. Lately he had taken some time off work and kept his distance from Yuuko. He knew it wasn't her fault and that she would eventually find a way to barge into his life again, it was just that right now Watanuki Kimihiro was not feeling sociable even though at the same time he didn't want to be alone. The young man stared at the tomb stone whilst tear kept on falling mixing with the raindrops, whilst thinking words for his dearly departed.

'Himawari, I don't think I can do it. I don't think I can ever love again. Everyone important keeps leaving me and I don't think... I don't think I have anything left to help me reach out to anyone. You were my last hope and love. I still do love you, but it hurts...'

"It hurts..." Watanuki shuddered these words out, feeling drowsy and cold. It had obviously been a bad idea to come without an umbrella. But he had no longer cared. He didn't see any reason why he should keep staying alive since there was no one left for him to care. Well, maybe Yuuko. But she would be alright, after all he's just an employer now.

Watanuki felt heavy, as if he was about to sink and drown into the ground. Although now that the thought had occurred, Watanuki didn't mind if he was to die right now. Perhaps he would get to see Himawari again.

"Hey."

Watanuki blinked and turned his head slowly to see a young man around his age looking down at him holding an umbrella over the both of them. Watanuki for a brief second noticed the amber eyes staring intently at him, before this stranger continued speaking.

"Are you okay? If you stay out here any longer you'll catch a cold."

Watanuki couldn't concentrate anymore. He felt the whole world blurred as he tried to stand up, only to feel himself falling and blacking out into a deep sleep. One thing that Watanuki noticed as he was falling was the strong warm arms that had caught him. For a moment he had felt comforted before remembering the broken parts of his heart.


	2. 2: warm arms

AAAH! Another chapter (yes even though no one reviewed...sighs... oh well)

When Watanuki had woken, he noticed that he was warm and no longer in the rain. He was in a small bedroom where he was lying on a futon and covered with layers of blankets, no longer feeling the cold empty feeling. His glasses were missing, although it was the least of Watanuki's thoughts. As the young man turned his head to the side, he had realized that he was not alone in the unknown room. The man whom Watanuki had seen at the graveyard was sitting cross legged with his eyes closed, as if he was in a peaceful slumber himself. Watanuki couldn't help but stare at him. Even though he should be waking the other man and ask where he was, Watanuki felt tired as well as noticing the aching headache that was slowly forming. He felt as if he was drunk and half-asleep, diluting his senses from whatever had happened in the past.

'It's strange.' Watanuki thought, 'even though he's a total stranger, his face looks so calm and peaceful. I could fall asleep watching him...'

Watanuki was about to drift off back to his slumber when it finally sunk into his mind what had actually happened. He was in a stranger's house and could be planning to do god-knows-what with him. In response to this revelation, Watanuki tried to sit up so he could get up and leave this place. However, this action cause the young man to erupt into a coughing fit. This brought the amber eyed man's out of his thoughts and directed his attention to the shorter man, rubbing Watanuki's back in hope to ease the coughs.

"You need to rest, you've caught a cold."

As soon as Watanuki's coughs eventually stopped, he questioned the stranger.

"Who are you and where am I?"

There was a pause as the man stared intently at Watanuki with an emotionless expression.

"You're at my apartment, nearby the graveyard." Was the simple reply, which caused Watanuki to feel slightly annoyed at the other man who pushed Watanuki gently down onto his back.

"So what is... you know what, never mind. I don't care. I'm going home."

Watanuki tried to sit up but was held down by a strong hand.

"You need to rest."

"Damn it, just let me go."

"You're cold will get worse if you go out now."

"Well that's my problem!"

Watanuki grew aggravated at the persistence of the other man. He eventually gave up and hit his head onto the pillow. Whoever this man was he was not intending to let Watanuki go, which frustrated the ill man. For awhile there was silence between the two that was eventually broken by the stranger's mumbling.

"I guess you don't remember me, huh."

Watanuki gave a confused look, wondering what he could have meant.

"What do you mean?"

"My name is Doumeki Shizuka." If Watanuki had the energy he would be screaming at this man for not answering his question.

"Why were you standing out in the rain like that?"

Watanuki froze in his thoughts as images of Himawari flashed by, creating a pain in his heart as a look of hurt were expressed. Doumeki's eyes widen at the sight of tears forming on the young man's face.

"Watanuki?"

"Why did she have to die?"

He couldn't help it, Watanuki couldn't stop this sorrowful feeling of loss spread throughout him. He felt so broken without his Himawari, that he kept saying to himself in his head that he would never love anyone else again. He had felt that if he did, he would be the one who was broken It was as if he was swearing eternal loyalty to his deceased wife, with the image of her stuck in his mind. Watanuki would have never thought that seeing her smile would break his heart.

"Why couldn't I have died with her? I'm not needed here..." Watanuki had started to think aloud, looking straight up at the blank ceiling.

"...I needed her. I needed her just like I needed my parents and my friend."

Watanuki felt the same warm comforting arms that had caught him out in the rain, hold onto him as his face buried into Doumeki's chest. Watanuki thought for a brief second that he should have pushed this man away from him, but the emotions overwhelmed him and made him give into the need of another person. Watanuki could not have cared less if he was or was not in his right mind at this moment of time, even if this person was to leave him alone like so many others... right now... Watanuki Kimihiro did not want to be alone.

That was the only reason why he had gripped onto Doumeki's shirt as he listened to the sound of the heart beat. This sound and this warmth somehow filled a part of the empty void within himself that had caused him to cry. It was so strange, yet for a little while Watanuki did not feel completely lonely. Even if it was just for a little while.

Aw... what will happen to our Watanuki?

Please review, Mokona needs to be fed.


	3. 3:00am emotions

Well here is another chapter for everyone reading this :)

Miss Kitty Chevious: Well of course I'm going to read it before feeding it to Mokona (:D sorry, my attempt to be funny. Heh heh...) And that's the fun thing about Alternative Universes, ANYTHING is possible. Although who knows... maybe Watanuki does remember. We'll have to wait and see :) Thankies for reviewing!

Kitsui: Thankies, and Mokona thanks you for the sake and takoyaki :) I'm sure that people are reading this and are just too shy to review (at least, I think so... right?)

Enjoy the story!!!

Chapter 3

It was 3 o'clock in the morning. Watanuki had just woken up feeling a little bit better than the previous night.

'Even though Himawari isn't here, I don't feel as depressed as before. I wonder why...'

It was then the young blue eyed man noticed that he was still embraced with a sleeping Doumeki, causing Watanuki to mentally panic for a moment whilst suppressing the urge to scream and punch the peacefully sleeping man. Watanuki remembered last night in a flash. He was crying and wouldn't let go. He remembered how much he was hurting and needed someone. A blush crept on his face as he remembered Doumeki getting up, presumably to go to his own bed after Watanuki had finished crying and was almost falling asleep. Watanuki regretted what he did next (or so he thought). In response to Doumeki's movement an instinct in Watanuki cried out for him to reach out, grabbing the taller man's sleeve. Doumeki was surprised at this action, leading to both of their eyes to meet - wide shocked eyes meeting half-lidded sleepy eyes that looked so sad.

"_Please. Don't leave... please..."_

Watanuki's blush darkened at the thought of those words.

'What the hell was I thinking!? Why did I say something so, so... stupid!'

Watanuki started to grow angry at himself, but only to stop himself. Why was he getting embarrassed about this? In fact, why did Doumeki stay at Watanuki's request? He wouldn't let him go home, yet he was willing to lay down to sleep with a strange man whom was found crying in a graveyard? Further more, Why did his heart beat so fast when thoughts of being this close to Doumeki passed through his mind? This strange feeling within him felt familiar to Watanuki as if it was a rush of something strong, something powerful, something...

He then froze.

An image of Himawari entered his mind, on a day out a few months after their wedding. It was a sunny day at the park. Everything seemed so perfect.

'Sunny...just like your name Himawari-chan' said the spectacled man as the pair of them laid on the grass, facing each other and listening to the beautiful sounds of Himawari's laughter.

'Kimihiro-kun, my name means sunflower.'

'Of course... bright as the sun and pretty as a flower.'

He didn't care if what he had said sounded silly, as long as he could listen to his wife's laughter Watanuki Kimihiro was happy as long as she was happy.

At times like this, Watanuki hated memories. But all the memories in the world could never make him hate Himawari. Watanuki felt like he wanted to cry as a wave of emotions swept through him. He felt sadness from the memory of Himawari, guilt from being so close to Doumeki and anger at himself for doing nothing but actually stay in a stranger's house. These emotions conflicting inside his mind, giving Watanuki a headache and teary eyes.

'I have to go. Now.'

Carefully, Watanuki lifted the arm that circled his waist and slowly moved away out of arms reach, gently placing the arm back onto the bedding. He stood up and tried to look around the room, although without his glasses as well as the room being dark it was difficult to see the room clearly. He looked down at the sleeping form, undisturbed and dreaming still. Watanuki had noticed that he had pulled the cover away from Doumeki, leaving the upper part of the body exposed to the night air. Without hesitation Watanuki pulled the covers over back into place, being careful not to wake Doumeki. Watanuki stared at him for a few moments, as if he was in awe and admiration. He had even secretly admitted to himself that Doumeki did look handsome, although Watanuki tried to ignore the very idea.

'I won't get attached. I'll only end up getting hurt in the end.'

Watanuki sighed and softly tip-toed out of the room. At the door way he turned one more time and smiled slightly. Even though Doumeki was a stranger to him, he had shown kindness to a random stranger who had probably looked pitiful and crazy as he stood in the rain crying. Perhaps, despite his stoic appearance, Doumeki was a good person who liked to help others out. Watanuki walked forwards, feeling the walls for guidance towards the door out of the apartment. On his way there he noticed that there was a box shaped object on a table in the kitchen. He made his way towards the object, realizing his glasses were on top. Once he had put on his glasses, Watanuki then sees that the box was Himawari's music box. Watanuki felt touched that Doumeki had not only brought Watanuki out of the rain, but he had also picked up the box when he didn't need to. The small smile lingered on Watanuki before it faded when Watanuki reminded himself of the previous thought.

'I won't get attached.'

Watanuki noticed a pad of paper and a pen on the counter, probably used for making a shopping list or writing phone numbers. Watanuki quickly wrote a note for Doumeki, before leaving the room, taking the box with him. His coat was on a rack by the door where his shoes were. Even though they were still a bit damp, the blue eyed man slipped on his coat and shoes. Just as he opened the door he took one last look back before exiting the apartment, closing the door softly.

When Doumeki woke up, he instantly noticed the lack of body heat that had taken place in his arms last night. He had gotten out of the futon and wondered around his apartment, checking all the rooms to find the young man.

"Watanuki?"

He entered the kitchen and saw that both Watanuki's glasses and box were gone. Frustration was expressed on the normally emotionless face, mumbling quietly to himself.

"Not again... I won't lose you again."

He was about to leave when his eye caught the writing on the note paper. Doumeki picked it up, reading the neat handwriting:

'Thank you.'

Thank you for reading!

Please review, and maybe I can give out invisible Watanuki and Doumeki cookies :)


	4. Home sweet Home

Wow! I didn't think that anyone would read my attempt at fan fiction... Thank you all the have read it so far, even if you haven't reviewed, thank you for reading... I think I might cry...sniff...

...Okay, I'm overacting in the name of humor :P On to the reviews!!!

Kitsui: Hrm... My Mother eh? ...I try not to think what she might say if she knew I was writing this fic (other than "Why are you not writing any Fruits Basket fanfiction young lady!?" XD) Thank you for the hugs and the review:)

Saina Tsukino: Here are your cookies! Thank you for the review!

WingedSerpant: oooh, I'm not sure if should say so or not since so many people have also wondered about that too (yup, thats my evil side. I just love to keep people wondering 8D). I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Thank you for reviewing!

Miss Kitty Chevious: I can't see Doumeki overreact either, unless Watanuki was to put himself in serious danger or get himself needlessly injured. Oh well, I'll try to make it longer but it will depend on the content (ho ho ho ho... :D) Thank you for reviewing, here are your cookies!

AuraBlackWolf: Thankies for reviewing!

COOKIES FOR EVERYONE:)

Now onto the story. I don't think this chapter turned out as well as the previous ones (though thats probably because there isn't enough Watanuki/Doumeki, LoL XD) prepare yourself for the longest and possibly worst written chapter I have ever done.

Chapter 4

The sunrise had finally come and gone by the time Watanuki had reached his apartment building. It was still the same apartment that he and Himawari had shared, even though it hurt to think about her there was just no way he could leave. It was a place he could call home and not have to worry about it disappearing with anything precious to him.

'Because they're all gone now.'

Watanuki sighed and entered the building. As he went up the stairs, Watanuki realized that after visiting Himawari, he was meant to phone Yuuko.

"_Promise me Watanuki," the long haired woman said as a puff of smoke blew from her lips, her pipe balancing delicately between her slender fingers "no matter how upset you are or how tired you feel, call me. That way I won't have to worry about my favorite employer."_

Watanuki mentally slapped himself for being forgetful. He had one more flight of stairs to go before he reached his apartment, and after all that has happened Watanuki couldn't wait to get back into his own bed.

'I'm sure she won't be too mad. Although, I'd hate to think what would happen the next time we meet. She would probably say-'

"Watanuki Kimihiro."

Watanuki snapped out of his thoughts and right before him standing by his door was one very angry looking Yuuko, dressed in her usual bizarre fashion. Watanuki didn't have a change to escape her clutches once she took five steps forwards, grabbing the young man's ear as if he was a child in trouble with a parent. Watanuki squeaked in fear as the grinning annoyed face zoomed up close, making the spectacle man feel quite frightened (which could be put into explicit words by Watanuki's current train of thought).

"Not only did you not call me last night, but you also did not arrive home til now. I had to call a certain individual named Clow Reed, of whom I did not wish to contact, but did so on behalf of the adorable children at my humble home."

Yuuko pinched Watanuki's ear slightly harder, keeping her voice calm and steady.

"After that dreadful confrontation I spent most of last night looking for you, in the rain might I add, only to end up waiting at your apartment for a length of time... you do know that this might have made me a little bit aggravated?"

"Owch! I get it, I get it! Let go of my ear, it hurts!"

"Perhaps I will, but first we go back to my place," in an instant the look of annoyance had been replaced by a friendly smile "then you can tell me everything that has happened."

Watanuki thought that it was times like these his accusations of Yuuko's insanity were indeed proven right. Suddenly without warning, Yuuko pulled his ear as she walked towards the stairs to leave.

"Let's go Watanuki, you can make us pancakes when we get home."

"Let go of my ear first!"

Yuuko looked at the young man from the corner of her eye, as a thought passed through - causing a small smile formed on her face.

'It's as if he was back to his old self again...'

"Mommy is back! Mommy is back!" cried a pair of twin girls in union, although not identical since the one called Maru had blue hair whilst her sister Moro had pink hair. They both hugged Yuuko as she placed a hand on each head, smiling. Somehow the image warmed Watanuki's heart a little.

Ever since the first day Watanuki had met the pair, he had always noticed how close they were as they never left each other's side for a moment. He did not know who or what their parents were, but he did hear that in their previous homes they caused a lot of mischief for the other residents as well as their own foster parents. Yet somehow once they had entered Yuuko's care, they have been really well behaved and listened to whatever Yuuko had to say. It wasn't that Yuuko used any particular punishments, although she did used to poke at Watanuki with a duck puppet whenever he was being in Yuuko's terms 'Grouchy.' It was just... Yuuko just had a certain way with words that took effect on people. He didn't know what she had said to them after their arrival, but whatever it was it changed the twins eyes from a look of sinister sneakiness to a pair of happy eyes.

Shaken out of his thoughts, he realized the twins were now hugging his legs, speaking in union once again in sweet little voices.

"Welcome back Big brother Kimi-kun!"

Blushing in embarrassment at the nickname for him (no doubt with the help of Yuuko), Watanuki laughed softly.

"Hello girls," Watanuki felt his face smile, even though he felt a little bit empty behind this smile he really was glad to see the two again "how have you been?"

Moro and Maru looked at each other for a moment, a worried look took place on their face. Maru was the one to speak up their question.

"We were going to ask you the same thing Kimi-kun."

"We wanted to know..." As Maru trailed off, Moro continued her sister's question.

"If you were okay. You're not sad about Himawari-chan anymore, are you?"

Once those words had been said, Watanuki felt a pain in his heart with memories once again flashing through his mind. But this did not stop him from smiling, even though anyone who looked into the blue eyes would have seen a painful sorrow being bottled inside the young man.

"I'm still a little sad, but I'll be alright."

"Maru, Moro - can you go tell Clow that we're back please."

Yuuko had taken off the boots she had worn at this point, whereas the twins in response to the request skipped off in search for Clow. Watanuki felt grateful at Yuuko's distraction.

"Are you alright Watanuki?"

Watanuki had slipped off his shoes that were still damp, reminding him of the man who helped him last night. That sleeping face... Watanuki tried to push those sorts of thoughts aside, in attempt to get rid of them.

"Yeah, I'm alright."

"Don't lie to me. I know you too well."

It was scary when Yuuko said things like that. It made Watanuki think that perhaps in a past life she was a powerful witch that read minds and started fire, although the latter of that idea was just exaggerated for the young man's amusement.

Before their conversation could continued, they were interrupted by a very well-dressed man with spectacles and a small boy dressed in black with a strange rabbit like hat.

"Hello Yuuko my dear, I see you have found our lost prince here."

"Yes, yes I have. Which would mean that you would have to leave now, wouldn't it? Since it must have been a long night for you."

Yuuko's face might have looked like a friendly smile, but Watanuki could see the tone in her voice say something along the lines of 'get out of my house you smug bastard.'

"Well I must admit that once you had left, they proved their selves to be quite challenging."

In Watanuki's mind, he had started putting subtitles into the conversation. Right about now Clow was saying 'Mokona kept jumping around because he found the sugar and caffeine in the cupboard, the girl's had decided to braid my hair and we ended up watching 'Finding Nemo' three times.'

Watanuki had found himself spacing out of the conversation between Yuuko and Clow and started to think about a certain amber eyed man, wondering what he was doing now.

'Perhaps he's just going back to his own life. I mean, why would he worry about me? It was only pity after all, wasn't he? What could explain the reason for the way he held me in his arms?' For some unknown reason to Watanuki, just mentioning the word arms being associated with Doumeki made his heart skip a beat. The visual image, the memory of warmth and texture of the other man's shirt invaded Watanuki's thoughts momentarily. Watanuki forced himself to concentrate on his thoughts, which were screaming in questioning anger of himself.

'What's wrong with me? Why can't I get over that contact with him? I belong only to Himawari dammit! She's the only one who was able to make me feel this way, now that she's gone I shouldn't have to feel this feeling again right? So why do I still feel this way about a stranger, a man no less!'

"Watanuki that was incredibly rude."

As if he was waking out a trance, he noticed that Clow had gone and the little boy Mokona was holding onto his hand. Watanuki didn't think that he was spacing out enough to ignore what was happening around him.

"Ah! I'm sorr-"

"It's alright Watanuki. It's nothing to worry about. Let us first worry about you."

Watanuki was lead to the kitchen by a smiling Mokona, where they all sat round the table with tea already made and poured into cups. Mokona sat right next to Watanuki and Yuuko sitting opposite the pair. The blue eyed man knew which topic it would lead to, and so he tried to buy more time by talking to the small boy.

"Mokona, what is with that hat?"

The hat was black with a pair of large rabbit ears at the side with a half a blue glass (or plastic) orb right in the centre. With the rest of the outfit being completely black to match, the boy had dark hair and eyes with a cheerful smile to top it off. The strange thing about Mokona is that at a glance, he doesn't look like a boy or a girl. It didn't help much when people came up to the young child, asking if he was a boy or a girl and always replying the same answer: 'Mokona is Mokona.'

"Yuuko gave it to me, cool huh?"

Watanuki raised an eyebrow, causing the smaller child to pout.

"Aw, what do you know! Watanuki is only jealous because he hasn't got one."

"Yeah," Watanuki replied with a soft tone of sarcasm "that must be it."

"Mokona, could you go find your sisters. Watanuki and I need to talk."

Mokona gave the enigmatic woman a questioning look, tilting his head to the side.

"Why? Is Watanuki in trouble?"

Watanuki was half expecting Yuuko to say no, until he was proven wrong by the nod of her head. Mokona shook his head and patted a small hand on Watanuki's shoulder.

"Well, it was nice knowing you."

And with that remark Mokona left the two alone, leaving Watanuki slightly speechless.

"What did he mean..."

"Watanuki, it's not nice to lie to children as well as to me."

Yuuko's voice was stern to match the serious look on her face, almost making the young man feel nervous at her gaze.

"What should I have told them then? That I am missing Himawari? That I still feel sad, so sad that I could die?"

Watanuki's words were shaky and struggling to keep the tone of his voice down. He didn't mean to let the last words slip out, but it was already too late to take back what he had said.

Yuuko looked at the blue eyed man with a thoughtful look, before speaking her own thoughts.

"You do know that we would miss you if you were gone, don't you? I know for a fact that Moro, Maru and Mokona would be sad." She paused to light her pipe, inhaling the smoke and blowing it out from her mouth. Watanuki looked at the rising smoke, twisting and turning then disappearing into the air.

"But then I guess our mourning couldn't compare to yours."

Watanuki quickly looked directly at Yuuko, as if she had slapped him on the face. She leaning forward so that their eyes would meet at a closure distance.

"You really do miss her, don't you."

A heavy weight in his heart returned to Watanuki. Himawari was his whole world, his everything. How could he ever let her go? Watanuki's began to water as he began to speak.

"...It hurts... when people come and go. I think it's because you give so much of yourself by opening your mind and heart... when they leave, it feels as if they take part of your self with them. It's as if they're tearing a hole from inside, making it feel empty."

Tears fell onto the table, his arms propped onto the table to support his head buried into his hands. "It just hurts so much Yuuko."

Watanuki let it all spill out, letting out something of the thoughts and feelings that so badly needed to be released. He never thought that he would tell Yuuko though, if anything she would be the last person he would tell.

'But that's just it, there is no one else. Other than...' Watanuki groaned, shaking his head from side to side as if he was trying to shake out all the thoughts from inside his head.

"Watanuki?"

"Why does he always come to my mind? I only met him last night, yet I keep thinking about him. Why? I don't need him. I don't need to be hurt again.."

Watanuki trailed off as his arms folded, so he could cradle his head into his skinny arms. Yuuko stood up and walked around the table to the now broken man, placing a hand on his back to let him know that right now he wasn't crying on his own. Even though the long haired woman knew that she couldn't be the one to help Watanuki out of this state of mind, she had a feeling that there was someone else out there that could. For now, she would have to settle with being able to give advice to the young man.

"Watanuki... you should move on."

Watanuki froze at those words. Even though his back suddenly stiffened under her fingers, Yuuko chose to continue.

"I'm sure that Himawari would have appreciated your faithfulness towards her, but I am certain that she would not want you to suffer like this. I'm sure that she would be happier if you were to move on with your own life, rather than to isolate yourself from everyone else in order to protect yourself. But you should keep in mind, that as long as you are living you will meet many people - whether you like it or not. It is true that they won't all be good people. In fact maybe some of those people will end up hurting you, however, there is also the chance that some of those people might try to learn who you are... they might want to make you happy by offering friendship and love..."

Watanuki lifted his head up. His glasses smudged with his own tears, making his vision go blurry. His whispers sounded like a child who was heartbroken over the loss of something precious.

"I can't love anyone ever again. Not like how I loved Himawari."

"You don't have to stop loving Himawari, nor do you have to love anyone else like Himawari. However, you can still love another person for who they are and for their own individual heart." Yuuko paused, smiling sadly as she bent down closer to Watanuki's ear.

"It is possible to Love again."

Watanuki didn't know what to say. Some of the chaos within him still resided in his heart, although he felt the heavy weight inside lift up from his body. Although he didn't know what to think about Yuuko's views on loving again, he was somewhat grateful for the older woman listening to him. The young man took off his glasses and started to clean the lenses using a corner of his shirt.

"I don't know what to say Yuuko... but thank you. Thank you so much."

He wiped his eyes before putting the glasses back on, turning to smile at Yuuko as best as he could, even if there were still some amount of sorrow in his eyes. Yuuko smiled back, knowing that Watanuki did listen to her rather than brush off he advice. At least in some way she can hope that she had somehow helped Watanuki.

"Now... you know what would be good right about now?"

Watanuki just gave the eccentric woman a blank look, to which Yuuko continued anyway with much enthusiasm.

"Those pancakes you promised to make!"

Watanuki looked completely lost from Yuuko's words before they sank in, causing the look of ranting to arise from his face.

"Hey! When did I say I would make pancakes? Is that anyway to treat someone who has been crying? Stop frolicking about and pay attention to me!"

"But Watanuki, food is good for the soul!"

Watanuki was about to reject this idea, except that Yuuko had already called the children to come and help make pancakes. Which caused three little childrens to be very excited.

"Yay! We get to make pancakes with Kimi-kun!"

"Can we have chocolate pancakes? Mokona likes Chocolate!"

"Alright, alright." Watanuki knew he couldn't let the children down just because he refused. "Everybody calm down and, Mokona why are you taking in third person?"

"Because Mokona is Mokona."

"That doesn't even answer my question!"

Yuuko thought it was good for Watanuki to be acting like his usual self, even though she knew that the young man was not quite over his problems yet.

"You know where everything is, so I'll leave you to it."

"Eh?" Watanuki turned with a quizzical look, whilst the children danced around him singing a random pancake song. "Where are you going to be Yuuko?"

"I have you go out for some more sake, we're running low at the moment."

"Dammit woman, you're suppose to be a guardian not an alcoholic!"

"See you soon, and don't forget to leave some for me!"

Yuuko turned and walked towards the door, hearing the noises from the kitchen of a ranting Watanuki and some very happy children. Her face no longer was smiling, but went emotionless as she slipped on another pair of shoes.

'It's about time I visited Himawari-chan.'

---

Urgh. I did it. I wrote a longer chapter. Now before I fall asleep onto the keyboard, I first must apologize. Yuuko was a hard character to write, which created several mini writers-blocks (especially when I had introduced Clow. DX) although I though it got better towards the end.

We'll be seeing Doumeki in the next chapter, so please review!

Thank you!


	5. In a blink of an eye

YAAAY! Another chapter! I defeated the writers block and courageously wrote more fanfiction! XD

Saina Tsukino: hrm... how about a cookie pancake? (Stolen from Watanuki's plate. XD)

Animegrl1047: Thankies, I'm glad you like it so far. But is Doumeki the friend from a long time ago... or is he someone else:) we'll have to wait and see... Heres a cookie!

And now to continue, I hope you all enjoy it.

Chapter 5

When Yuuko had reached the graveyard, she saw a tall man standing by Himawari's grave stone. His face was emotionless, although to Yuuko he seemed to be waiting for someone.

'_Why does he always come to my mind? I only met him last night, yet I keep thinking about him.' _

Watanuki's words echoed in the long haired woman's mind, a smile creeping onto her face.

'I wonder...'

Yuuko walked nearer towards the dark haired man, who did not noticed her until she spoke up.

"She was a lovely young lady." The man turned to Yuuko, only to turn away to stare at the stone infront of him.

"I woudn't know."

"Oh? I wonder then, why would someone visit a grave of a person they did not know?"

The amber eyed man remained quiet, as Yuuko eventually continued to speak.

"Unless... you were actually waiting for a certain someone. A young man perhaps? One who goes by the name of..."

"Watanuki Kimihiro?"

The taller man's eyes widen as Yuuko nodded at the answer he had given.

"So you're the one Watanuki was talking about."

"Do you know where he is?"

Yuuko's smile grew more mysterious, as if she was plotting something in her mind, which seemed to make the young man almost nervous (even though his face was still stoic).

"Yes I do... but first, why don't you tell me a bit about yourself?"

Watanuki had just finished the last batch of pancakes, thinking that he might have made too much. He shrugged and sat down with the other children, who were eager to start eating the golden baked goods. Yuuko had been out for sometime, so Watanuki decided that they could start without her.

'Besides, as long as there are some left over I'm sure she won't mind.'

"Alright, lets eat. Yuuko seems to be running late."

'At the liquor store. If it was her choice, she would be there for days.' Watanuki mentally added.

The three children cheered, each one holding a knife and fork in the air.

"YAY! Thanks for the meal!"

Watanuki sighed, considering whether or not he should tell them about table manners. But the look on their face's made him keep quiet, smiling at their cheerful mood.

'It's nice, to be able to make others smile. Even if it's just cooking, it feels satisfying. I guess I'm glad that Yuuko asked me to cook, it always take my mind off things.'

Watanuki started to eat with them, tasting the syrup and the fluffy texture of the pancake. However he felt something was missing, but tried to ignore it. This was not a time to be mourning again, nor is it time to be thinking about a particular stranger, whom Watanuki believed that he would not see again.

Everyone heard the door open and close. Watanuki guessed that Yuuko had come back at last, and with lots of alcohol no doubt. Watanuki turned around ready to greet the older woman .

"Welcome back Yuuko-"

Watanuki stopped in mid sentence to stare at the man he had met last night, standing right next to Yuuko whilst carrying a bag with bottles of sake.

'Doumeki.' Watanuki's mind whispered as the rest of the world seem to freeze, as if it was only the two alone in the room. The spectacled man did not know what he should be feeling right now. It felt as if he was stuck in between emotions. In just a matter of seconds, Watanuki had entered a mixed state of confusion and another emotion that resided in his heart. It felt like forever before Yuuko broke Watanuki's concentration.

"Hello everyone!" Yuuko's voice was chirpy to match with the happy expression on her face.

"I'd like you all to meet my new friend, Doumeki Shizuka."

Watanuki didn't hear the children or Yuuko at this point, the room seem to blur with only Doumeki in focus. Blue eyes once again meeting amber eyes. Right now Watanuki felt himself blushing and was heading towards a state of panic. He had to leave the room.

"I-I'll go and make some more tea."

Watanuki left the room taking the teapot with him. As he entered the kitchen, the young man began to feel angry with himself.

'God! What is wrong with me? Why am I getting all excited for that guy?' Watanuki poured more water into the kettle to boil the water. Whilst waiting Watanuki glared at the innocent object, feeling as if all these emotions were boiling up inside of him.

'I don't like him. I don't know him. I certainly don't want him in my life. So why?'

"This is so stupid..."

Watanuki began to mutter to himself angrily, not noticing the taller man that had followed him. When the kettle boiled Watanuki poured the hot water into the teapot, still deep in his own thoughts.

'I have Himawari, right? Just because she's gone, doesn't mean... I can still love her, right? Yuuko said so herself, that it was okay to keep loving her. But she did also say that can always love another. But wouldn't that mean cheating on Himawari? If she was alive, she would cry. I would be as bad as anyone else who intentionally hurts another by breaking their heart. And I would hate to see her cry... if... she was alive.'

"Watanuki, what are you doing!?"

Watanuki then realized his hand was burning, looking down he saw that the teapot was overflowing with hot water, spilling onto the hand holding the object. As soon as Watanuki placed the kettle down, Doumeki grabbed the burnt hand and quickly put it under the cold tap, water now gushing out to cool the hand. Watanuki was still in a daze, trying to understand what had happened. He couldn't help but observe the strong hand that held his skinny wrist, for a brief moment it felt as if they were like puzzle pieces - they fitted together perfectly.

But that was something that Himawari had said to him once.

Tears began to fall from the unblinking blue eyes that stared into nothingness. When Doumeki saw Watanuki's face, he began to feel slightly scared of what was happening inside the young man's mind. But what scared Doumeki more was the thought that whatever was breaking apart in Watanuki's mind, it could be too far out of reach for him to fix. Even so, that wouldn't stop him from doing what he can.

"Watanuki..."

Keeping one hand holding onto Watanuki's under the water, Doumeki raised his other hand to the spectacled man's face. Lifting the chin so their eyes would meet, Doumeki then moved his hand to cup the shorter man's face, wiping away the tear with his thumb.

"...please tell me what is wrong."

Watanuki blinked, snapping out of his trance looking so lost and sad. It was silent before Watanuki's eyes widen and pushed the taller man away.

"What the hell are you doing?!"

Doumeki was surprised at the sudden burst of strength from the younger man, replying to Watanuki in his usual calm voice.

"I should be asking you that. What kind of idiot pours boiling water on his hand?"

"W-Who are you calling an idiot!?" Watanuki waved his un-burnt hand, pointing at Doumeki accusingly. "And how did you find me?!"

"Yuuko-san said she knew who you are and took me here to meet up with you."

'Yuuko...she will pay. I don't know how yet, but when I find a way she'll be in trouble.' Watanuki bitterly thought to himself, plotting revenge against the older woman.

"So, are you going to tell me what just happened?"

Watanuki stayed quiet not intending to answer the amber eyed man, causing Doumeki to furrow his eyebrows in response. The taller man took a few steps forward towards Watanuki, who backed away until he was up against the counter.

"If you're not going to answer that question, then answer this," Doumeki's hands settled on the counter top along each side of Watanuki, as if trapping the shorter man to make escape impossible. "Why did you leave?"

"I-I... I had to." Watanuki wanted his voice to be as dominating as Doumeki's, but found him self unable to speak any louder as well as trying to avoid eye contact. Although, Watanuki felt that Doumeki was standing too close. His face was too close to his own, that was something that Watanuki unknowingly noticed the most.

"Why?"

'Is his face getting closer?' Watanuki quickly glanced at the other's face before returning to look away from the handsome face. 'Not that him being handsome has to do with anything.'

The spectacle man felt his face blush, trying to think of a good answer.

"I had to...go home..."

"But this isn't where you live. Yuuko said you lived in an apartment not too far from here."

"Yuuko dragged me here and... and what right do you have of knowing where I live?!"

"Why did you leave?"

"You're not listening to me!"

"I am listening. You're the one not answering my question. Why did you leave?"

"Because I didn't want to betray Himawari-chan!!"

Silence. Doumeki than began to understand more now, looking at a man with his head bowed down and gripping the counter so tight that his knuckles were turning white. It looked as if Watanuki was determined not to cry in front of the other man, as his shoulders were shaking Doumeki began to whisper - his head inching closer to Watanuki.

"You must really miss her."

Watanuki didn't reply, which lead Doumeki to continue.

"You should learn to let her go, you're hurting yourself too much..."

"It's none of your damn business!" Watanuki's head shot up angrily.

"It is my business. It has been my business ever since I met you." Doumeki's voice raised a little, struggling not to yell like Watanuki was currently doing.

"We only met yesterday! Jeez! What kind of stupid idiot are you! You're nothing but a fool so just shut up and go away!-"

Doumeki did not know what possessed him to do this. He knew that he shouldn't have done it and that Watanuki would probably not appreciate this action, but Doumeki felt that it was the only way to keep the other boy quiet.

As their lips touched, Watanuki's words were stuck in his throat. He was stunned by this sensation, not knowing how he should react. It was a gentle kiss. Just two lips joined together, surprisingly to Watanuki felt strange... in a good way. A tongue slowly wondered over his bottom lip, causing the blue eyed man to blush even deeper. His lips parted slightly, allowing Doumeki an entrance. Watanuki closed his eyes, getting drunk on this feeling of touch, forgetting for a moment everything that had happened. It was as if for the first time in a long time, he felt free.

Like most kisses such as this one, it was all over too soon as the pair pulled away from each other for a breath of air. At some point in the kiss, Watanuki had wrapped his arms around the taller man's neck and Doumeki had his arms around the spectacled man's waist. It felt so perfect, as if it was meant to be.

Then Watanuki's mind brought him back to reality.

The shorter man pushed Doumeki away and made his way out the kitchen as quick as possible, shouting loudly to the other man.

"Dammit! I hate you Doumeki!"

Doumeki felt himself smile bitterly, thinking to himself.

'Some things never change...'

And with that final thought, the amber eyed man left the kitchen to follow the young man. Watanuki Kimihiro.


	6. always there to hold me

I have now finished schoool!!!! peace sign Hurray for summer holidays!!!

SoLeo: I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far, thankies for reviewing

and now here's another chappie!!

Chapter 6

Doumeki was about to leave the house to follow Watanuki, only to be stopped by Yuuko who stood in front of him with a blue umbrella in one hand.

"Here, take this." the umbrella was placed into Doumeki's hands, as a small smile settled on the older woman's face.

"It'sgoing to rain today. It is strange though. Watanuki always seem to have good luck or bad luck on rainy days."

There was a pause before Yuuko stood aside allowing Doumeki to pass through.

"Perhaps Doumeki-san, you can make today a lucky day..."

Without a word, Doumeki nodded thanks to the long haired woman and quickly left the house to go after the spectacled boy. Yuuko's face was blank. Although she felt that Doumeki was indeed a good person, even she did not know what the future held in store for those young men.

"Mommy?"

Yuuko turned her head to see three young children hiding behind the door frame, looking slightly worried. The voice that caught her attention was Moro's, which then followed by Maru's question.

"Is Kimi-kun going to be okay?"

Yuuko gave a warn smile, placing her hands on the two girl's heads.

"I'm sure he will be..."

"Did Doumeki-san make Watanuki cry?" Mokona asked, sounding suspicious of this new arrival.

"I'm not entirely sure. However, I do believe that Doumeki, might be able to make our Watanuki smile again..."

When Doumeki found Watanuki, he was sitting on a park bench with his knees to his chest and his head tucked into his arms. A memory flashed by in Doumeki's mind.

It was middle school, and the lessons were finished for the day. The rain came down heavily and everyone else had already gone home. He had forgotten his own umbrella so he was walking around the corridors of the school, waiting for the rain to stop. When he had reached the entrance, he saw a small boy sitting by the door. The small boy seemed to had been beaten up, probably by one of the older kids at the school - maybe to take away his umbrella? That would explain why the boy was still there. Walking towards the bruised child, the most beautiful set of blue eyes stare at him. He had asked the smaller boy if he was okay. The blue eyed child shook his head, tears forming with out a single word being said. With a sudden urge he sat down next to the other child, holding the teary-eyed boy in his arms. He could still remember the 'floaty' feeling in his heart when the other boy hugged back in return, not wanting to let go...

Watanuki looked so lonely right now. Doumeki just wanted to hold him again, just like in his memory of that moment. But he had to resist this want of his, choosing to take smaller steps so that Watanuki wouldn't run away from him again.

A gentle breeze blew by, the sky started to turn grey. Doumeki took his steps towards the bench, watching Watanuki's undisturbed state. As the tall man sat down, he made sure that there was a small distance between the two adults. There was silence for a long time. Doumeki didn't mind. He would wait for as long as Watanuki needed before feeling ready to talk or to just say anything.

"It's going to rain soon..." Watanuki's head lifted from his arms, looking straight ahead whilst Doumeki continued to look in Watanuki's direction. Watanuki eventually untucked his legs, letting his feet touch the ground and leaning backwards onto the bench. Blue eyes looked up into the sky with such a apathetic look. A raindrop hit him in the face, followed by another and another... before long a series of droplets crashed down onto the two.

"You should go home Doumeki-san..."

When these words were said, the rain had stopped hitting the young man even though the sounds of rain could still be heard. Turning his head, he saw Doumeki holding up an umbrella which was able to shelter the pair.

"I'm not leaving you alone."

Watanuki's eyes widened. He thought that he should yell at the other boy to just go away and just run back to his own apartment. However, remembering what had happened when he did yell at Doumeki, the kiss and the feelings that came with it refreshed in his mind. The emotion of guilt tightened his chest, just thinking of how he betrayed Himawari. Also, Watanuki feared this the most... he feel as if he might be falling for Doumeki.

"I deserve to be alone..."

"No one deserves to be alone."

"I do. I'm a terrible person."

"Why say that?"

Watanuki did not know if he should say what was in his mind to someone he had just met, although Watanuki felt something familiar about the man. He couldn't quite put his finger on it. It was like he was missing something from the past, around the time of his parents... no. he didn't want to think of that. Even though the memories were obscured between his parents death and meeting with Yuuko, he felt that he didn't want to know what it was yet.

"Watanuki?"

"I always end up being alone. But no matter how many times it has happened or how much it hurts to have another part of your heart ripped out, I hate being alone. I would do anything not to be alone." once the words started to roll off his tongue, Watanuki couldn't stop.

"Look at what I've done. Himawari was always so sweet and so kind to me, even when she was dying...s-she worried about me. I wanted to stay faithful to her, just to show that I wouldn't need anyone again. I thought that all the love she had given would be enough, just enough to keep me living."

Tears had begun again, Doumeki felt a part of himself hurting to see Watanuki in this much pain.

"The months passed by, I felt more and more alone. I tried to embrace every single memory I had shared with her but it started to hurt so much. Every time I though of a happy memory, I felt like my heart would break... then when I thought about moving on, I just couldn't let go. I felt like she was the only thing keeping me alive...even if she was dead. So, every now and then I would go visit Yuuko and the kids. It was nice to be with them. But then I get scared sometimes, that they would somehow leave too." Watanuki felt tired, emotionally and physically, causing him to lean onto Doumeki's shoulder for support.

"Then I met you."

Watanuki stopped talking, feeling the warmth from Doumeki's arm against his own. He wanted to fall asleep, not wanting to say anymore since it felt as if he had already given too much away.

"What happened when you met me?" Doumeki wanted to know more about Watanuki's feelings, so that he would know more about Watanuki and so that he could maybe help him.

Watanuki whispered ever so quietly, just loud enough for Doumeki to hear.

"I can't tell you."

"Why?"

"Because we've already made a connection. It's too dangerous."

Doumeki's eyes showed concern, although the blue eyes were still looking away from the amber eyes.

"The more I tell, the more it will hurt when you leave."

"I won't ever leave, not if I can help it."

"Idiot, don't say things you don't mean."

"Okay then, want do you want me to do to show you that I'm telling the truth?"

Watanuki pause in thought. A memory of the boy he use to know before even starting middle school, when they held hands to walk to school or to go to the park to play. Without thinking it over, Watanuki said "Hold my hand."

Doumeki looked surprised at this request, whilst at the same time Watanuki was mentally kicking himself for what he had regretfully said. Before Watanuki could say anything, he felt a warm hand over his own cold hand. Even though Watanuki was considering telling Doumeki that he didn't mean everything he had just said, this feeling from holding the other man's hand felt quite pleasant.

"You're freezing." Watanuki raised his head, making eye contact with the other man who was currently speaking. "We better go and get you warmed up before you catch another cold.."

As the taller man stood, Watanuki stood with him.

"Well. Do you want to go to my place or yours... or do you want to go back to Yuuko's?"

The spectacled man felt overwhelmed for a moment. He should go back to his own home or at least back to Yuuko's to apologize for leaving her suddenly. But for some unexplained reason, he wanted to go where Doumeki was going.

"Yours..."

"Well then, lets go." Doumeki began to walk with Watanuki, hands still held together as Doumeki continued to talk. "I don't want to catch a cold because of a fool making me sit in the rain."

"Who are you calling a fool?...idiot."

Watanuki said the last part softly, with a small smile on his face.

---

Thank you for reading!

If you review now, you'll get free doughnuts!


	7. a broken heart that opens up

Sorry for the long delay! I still have some summer homework to get through (Curse the education system! Finding ways to torture their students, even on holidays!)

DayDreamer64: I'm still updating on LJ :) and here's your doughnut and a donut moment in this chapter.

Saina Tsukino: heh heh, but I did get you to review! (-gives food out-) I always like the idea of a couple sharing an umbrella, all in the name of romance XD

Animegrl1047: I did hear about umbrellas having a symbolic meaning, but I liked your explanation better :) I just included the umbrella because I thought it would be a nice romantic moment... still it was interesting to learn something new! Thank you!

Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing... and now for another chapter!

Chapter 7

It was now midnight.

The two young men had made it to Doumeki's apartment, walking through the rain with the umbrella over the both of them. When they had entered, Doumeki made sure that Watanuki had dried himself properly which was followed by Watanuki yelling at Doumeki to do the same. Doumeki let Watanuki borrow his clothes whilst going into the kitchen. When the amber eyed man returned with two cups of tea, he saw Watanuki curled up on the sofa asleep. The clothes that the blue eyed man was wearing were quite baggy, the shirt exposing the neck (which made Doumeki's heart skip a beat for a moment). Doumeki couldn't help but think that the spectacled man looked... well... cute.

Picking up Watanuki in his arms, bridal style, Doumeki took the man in his arms to his bed. Taking off his glasses to place it on the table, Doumeki covered both Watanuki and himself with blankets.

And since then Doumeki has been lying down besides the shorter man, watching him for such a long time. There was a fear in the young man that Watanuki would runaway again just like before. This time Doumeki wanted to be there for him, even if Watanuki cries out for Himawari he will be the one to support him in anyway possible.

'I don't want either of us to be alone... even if you don't love me, nothing will change the fact that I love you.'

Doumeki was just about to fall asleep, when he felt movement next to him. Doumeki's eyes opened to see a half-asleep Watanuki hovering his head over the amber eyed man.

"Watanuki?"

It didn't seem as if Watanuki heard his name being said, instead the sleepy blue eyed man bowed his head closer towards the stoic face. Doumeki felt the soft lips brush against his own, making the owner of the amber eyes blush slightly. Watanuki pulled away as he lowered his head towards the neck, kissing ever so lightly several times. This made Doumeki feel as if his heart would leap out of his chest with those innocent kisses. Doumeki reached his hand out to the side of the other man's face, caressing Watanuki's cheek, making the blue eyed man stop in his tracks. Once Doumeki sat up, they were at eye level, staring into each others eyes. At this point Watanuki was now fully awake, blushing madly at what he had done a moment ago.

"Ah! I-I'm sorry! I don't know why I..."

"There's no need to apologize."

Watanuki stopped with a look of confusion upon his face.

'Isn't he freaked out? I just kissed him! Why isn't he all ready to kick me out-'

Then he remembered that moment in the kitchen, Doumeki was the one who had kissed him with those lips that sent sparks within his heart. The blue eyes cast down to look at his own hand with the wedding ring on one of his pale fingers.

"Himawari..." as Watanuki muttered the name of his deceased wife, a mixed feeling that was of both sadness and... well... it was not sure what that emotion was, but whatever it was it made him burst into laughter as tears fell from his eyes once again. Doumeki looked surprised at the young man's actions, beginning to worry for the other.

"Watanuki?"

The laughter began to subside. Watanuki looked up, smiling sadly as he attempted to control the laughter.

"I-I'm really a fool aren't I?"

"Why say that?"

"Because..." Watanuki wasn't sure if he was ready to tell the emotionless faced man what he felt about him. What if he was betrayed? What if Doumeki disappeared again? He would be so alone.

"You can tell me..." Watanuki felt the strong warm hand brush his face, to which he responded by leaning in to absorb this irresistible feeling of Doumeki.

"I think... I think I have fallen for you. But..." tears continued to trail down from those emotional eyes, "...It feels as if I'm cheating on Himawari-chan. I must be a terrible husband."

Watanuki thought that he didn't deserve pity or sympathy, just punishment for committing such a crime - even if Himawari was dead. However, Watanuki never expected to feel strong arms wrap around him, his head against Doumeki's chest. For a moment Watanuki felt protected and safe in this embrace, making him wanting to hold on too. There was a silence that seem to last forever, until Doumeki began to talk after choosing what he wanted to say.

"Watanuki... If you were the one to have died and Himawari was the one to have lived, would you want her to feel the way you do?"

Doumeki felt the young man stiffen at this question. He heard a small 'no' being whispered into his chest.

"Would you want her to cry or to live the rest of her life alone?"

"Of course not!" anger could be heard in Watanuki's voice.

"Then, if there was another person that could help Himawari not be sad anymore... would you hate her?"

Watanuki thought very carefully as Doumeki patiently waited for his answer. The blue eyed man raised his head and gently pushed himself slightly away from the embrace, with a sincere look that had a tint of sadness about them staring into calm amber eyes.

"No. I would be a little bit sad that I couldn't be the one to love her, but I would rather her to be happy than let her suffer."

"So... wouldn't Himawari want you be happy rather than sad?"

Watanuki's expression morphed slowly from sadness to a grateful look, as he remembered Himawari without feeling any pain in his heart for the first time. Her smile, her happy eyes and her sweet caring words.

"She would have - at least, I think she might have wanted me to be... happy."

Watanuki could never imagine her wishing pain on anyone let alone Watanuki. It was then the young blue eyed man felt that with those happy memories, he could let go of Himawari without feeling heartbroken.

'Thank you so much Himawari chan...'

"Thank you Doumeki."

"For what?"

"For... far letting me see what I needed to see."

Watanuki blushed again, looking away from Doumeki as he felt slightly embarrassed about the whole situation.

"And I'm sorry for... k-k-kissing you like that, I didn't know what came over me."

"I already told you, there's no need to apologize."

Watanuki's expressed puzzlement and confusion at this answer, which Doumeki thought made the young spectacled man exceptionally adorable at this moment.

"That doesn't- why would you...? You wouldn't just let anybody kiss you, would you?"

"You're right. I wouldn't let just anyone kiss me. But I would let the person I loved the most do so if he desired..."

A small smile had settled on the normally stoic face, whilst Watanuki was slowly letting what the amber eyed man said sink into his mind.

"What? Y-you don't mean that you... l-lo- like me?"

"Yes I do mean that."

Something in Watanuki made him want to either scream at this man's confession being said in such a calm voice or let his head explode from blushing too much.

'Is this guy kidding me?' Watanuki didn't know if he should trust what was being said or not. That small fear returned to whisper in Watanuki's mind. What if Doumeki was lying, or what if this was just a crush- after all, they haven't known each other for more than two days...right?

Even though that was what Watanuki was thinking, it sure didn't feel as if they had only known each other for two days. It felt as if Watanuki had known him longer, in some sense the blue eyed man would not have been so open with just any stranger... what made Doumeki any different?

"I always have loved you." the amber eyed man had broken Watanuki's train of thought, wanting the shorter man to respond to him in some way.

"F-for how long?" Watanuki stuttered, still so close to the other man in front of him.

"Since the very first time I met you... many years ago."

This caught Watanuki's attention, looking surprised from the latter of those words.

Doumeki paused, feeling uncertain for a second about telling the blue eyed man his memories of the young boy Watanuki Kimihiro.

"Do you remember middle school?"

Watanuki's voice seem to have shrunk, shaking his head at the answer.

"Not much. I can remember seeing my parents around that time..."

"I remember. Do you want to hear about it?"

It was quiet, Watanuki express a look of thoughtfulness before nodding in response. Doumeki took a deep breath, ready to tell the young man everything.

"Very well... it all started on a rainy day..."


	8. a walk down childhood lane part 1

URGH! This chapter took me forever to do... and theres still more to do! Oh le sigh... still, we can only go forwards!

Saina Tsukino: hee hee XD... you can have a Mokona shaped cookie for reviewing.

Animegrl1047: your assumptions of Doumeki were correct :D I still thought it was interesting about the umbrella :)

Iriomote Yamaneko Nokomis, Angel of Lavender, Lee Totema and anyone else reading but chosen not to comment Thank you very much for reading this far :)

now onwards with the next chapter (It's in two parts since it was really long... oh vey...)

Chapter 8

(Flash Back)

A week after meeting the blue eyed boy, Doumeki couldn't help but think about that kid: Watanuki Kimihiro. The sad look. The touch of his shaking shoulders. Those blue eyes... those images burned into the young boy's mind, not even knowing why he remembered a boy like Watanuki with such great detail.

When Watanuki's parents arrived in their car, they had offered Doumeki a lift home (which he gladly took). He had noticed at this point that the blue eyed boy had stopped crying and tried to tidy himself up as best as he could, although his parents still saw the bruises. Watanuki just simply said that he had fallen over and smiled.

Ever since that night, Doumeki had not seen this boy... that is until he bumped into that very person in the hallway...

"Watch where your going!" the boy rubbed his shoulder, preparing to give the other boy a glaring of a life time. That is, until he had realized who the other boy was.

"It's you."

"Yes. I'm the one you had just bumped into."

"What the... don't state the obvious! I meant about that night dammit!" Watanuki roared loudly, pointing at the taller boy whilst turning red. Doumeki raised an eye brow in response, thinking that the way Watanuki was acting was... well, cute.

"You're blushing" The amber eyed boy poked the smaller boy's soft cheek, replying in a stoic tone. This action only made Watanuki sound even more angry.

"I'm not blushing! I'm-well... It's none of your business!" Watanuki was in the mist of a fluster dance by this point. "Why am I even bothering with you? I'm going to be late to my first lesson. Gah! What a was to start the first day of school."

Doumeki looked up surprised.

"First day? But weren't you here last week?"

"I was just registering and..." Watanuki glanced at his watch, and for a moment it looked as if he would flip backwards.

"I haven't got time for this, I'm late enough already!"

The blue eyed boy rushed down the hall yelling at Doumeki from a distance.

"This isn't over yet! From now on, you're my rival!"

Doumeki stood still for a moment, not paying any attention to the whisperings of the other students nearby.

'If I'm his rival... does that mean I'll get to see him more then?'

And with that thought, Doumeki felt quite happy as he went to his class.

---

Doumeki sat at his desk, thinking about the blue eyed boy. He wondered if he had gotten to his class on time and if not, did he get a detention? If he did then he could wait for him, couldn't he?

Doumeki started to balance his pencil on his finger, thinking even more about this Watanuki kid and less about the square root of whatever the teacher was rambling about.

What did catch Doumeki's attention was the door opening, which interrupted the teacher in mid speech. The boy that Doumeki was thinking about moments ago had taken two steps in to the class room, closing the door behind him.

"I'm sorry Sensei, I got lost on my way here..." Watanuki trailed off as he made eye contact with Doumeki. For a split second there was three different messages that Watanuki sent to Doumeki, using eye telepathy.

The first look was surprised and seem to say 'Is... is that you?' followed by a look of rage saying 'What the hell are you doing here you bastard!' and finishing with a sulking dark look 'Oh you'll get yours... just wait and see...'

"Ah yes, I was told that a new student would be joining us today... alright. Why don't you introduce yourself."

Watanuki broke away from glaring at Doumeki and stood in front of the class.

"Hello, my name is Watanuki Kimihiro."

"He's so short, he looks like he should still be in elementary school."

Doumeki could hear some of the other students already whispering comments about the blue eyed boy.

"He looks weird."

"He's so pale, think he's some sort of ghost or something?"

Even though the teacher couldn't hear them, Doumeki could see Watanuki looking nervous and uncomfortable. Hearing what the other kids were saying made him want to stand up and tell them all to shut the hell up. But that would be out of character for him... however, now that Doumeki thought about it, if someone tried to hurt Watanuki then Doumeki wanted to be the one to protect him. He didn't know why but something about the boy made him feel...

"Doumeki?" The stoic boy was snapped out of his thoughts by the teacher's call.

"Yes Sensei?"

"Please will you be Watanuki-san's guide for the day?"

Even though Watanuki looked as if he was saying 'No! Anything but that, please!,' Doumeki smirked slightly and nodded.

"Yes Sensei."

As the new boy grudgingly sat down besides Doumeki at an empty desk, Doumeki knew that today would be an interesting day.

---

Doumeki had shown Watanuki to all the class rooms, which Doumeki noticed that for the whole time Watanuki had tried to pick a fight with the taller boy several times for such small and silly reasons. Even though Doumeki did like spending time with the blue eyed boy, he didn't want to just be a rival to Watanuki... just something a little more.

When they were heading towards the cafeteria for lunch, Doumeki stopped in his tracks. Watanuki turned around to see that his guide had chosen to stand still and stare at him with those amber eyes. This for reasons unknown to Doumeki made the new boy blush, who now looked nervous at the taller boys action.

"What? Why are you just standing there?"

"Why do we have to be rivals?"

The question seem to take the spectacled boy by surprise.

"Why? Cause.. Because you started it!"

"Started what?"

Doumeki could not see any logical reason for the two of them to be rivals. Except for the memory of poking Watanuki in the face.

'I wonder if that is it...'

Watanuki was about to give up waiting and just keep walking, until Doumeki called out to him.

"Oi. Is it because I poked you in the face?"

There was about five seconds of Watanuki looking completely blank from confusion, before he started to have another angry-fit dance.

"What the hell...? My name is not Oi!!"

"If I promise not to poke you in the face ever again, could we be friends?"

"Huh?" Watanuki stopped in mid rant, looking bewildered at what Doumeki had just said.

"I said if I promised to never poke your face again, could we be friends?"

Watanuki saw that instead of a stoic face, there a was a flicker of hope in those amber eyes as the taller boy continued to talk.

"I would rather be your friend than your rival..."

There was silence between the two in the now empty corridor. Watanuki stared at the other boy for awhile, before looking away to the floor. When Doumeki was about to wonder that if all that he had said was in vain, he heard footsteps coming towards him. Then a pair of cool hands gently took hold of Doumeki's own hand. They looked again into each others eyes, secretly admiring the colours caught in their gaze.

"Okay." Watanuki whispered, no longer looking angry at Doumeki. Instead he looked sincere, softly squeezing the hand in his grasp. "We can be.. Friends."

They could have been like that for a long time, if it wasn't for Watanuki realizing exactly what he was doing. In response the blue eyed boy quickly let go of Doumeki's hand, turning away to hide his now tomato red blush from the other boy.

"But.. But we're still rivals!"

Doumeki didn't know what to say right away. All he knew was that he felt happy. He was happy at the thought of being Watanuki's friend instead of being 'just' a rival. A true simple but happy smile formed on the normally expressionless face.

"Okay."

Watanuki tried to glance from the corner of his eye, only to end up once again staring at the other boy with a strange leaping feeling in his heart.

It was actually quite a pleasant sight for Watanuki.

---

Instead of going to the cafeteria, the boys took their bento boxes to the roof of the school and chose to eat there. The clouds look slightly grey, but the temperature was mild with a cool breeze brushing over the two boys.

"It's kind of nice up here." Watanuki commented whilst Doumeki continued to eat his own lunch, only grunting in reply. Watanuki pouted annoyed, trying not to throw another shrieking fit at the amber eyed boy. However, when Doumeki quickly took a piece of food from Watanuki's lunch with his chop sticks, the spectacled boy reacted like a mad static cat.

"Hey! Don't steal other people's lunch, stupid Doumeki!"

Doumeki munched the morsel, whilst Watanuki continued to rant.

"Oi."

"And my name isn't Oi!"

"This tastes good. Did your Mom make it?"

Watanuki's look of annoyance had left his face to be replaced by another adorable blush.

"Actually, I made it. But my Dad helped... he's teaching me how to cook."

"Really?"

Watanuki glared at Doumeki, not sure if he should take Doumeki's answer as an insult or not.

"Yes and if you're thinking that makes me girly - you're wrong!"

"I wasn't thinking anything like that." Watanuki stopped his glaring as Doumeki looked down at his own bento. "I was thinking that I would like to eat something cooked by you someday."

Watanuki did not know how to reply to this comment. He didn't know why those word made him feel funny on the inside or why his face felt warmer.

"Maybe something like Inari Sushi..."

But he did know what to say to the expressionless boy.

"I don't take orders!!!"

---

"Dammit all, why is it raining again?!"

Watanuki sighed standing by the exit of the building, watching the rain fall. Once again he didn't have an umbrella, since he had forgotten to bring the new one his parents bought for him. School had finished and nearly everybody had already left to go home. He was in a good mood after lunch (he said to himself that he would never in a million years, admit that it was because of Doumeki), but because he was now settling into his new class and getting along with everyone in general. Although for the rest of the day he had stayed close to Doumeki for each subject.

'Only because it's my first day of school...' once again he looked up and sighed. Why couldn't the rain just stop for a little while?

"Oi. Were you waiting for me?"

Watanuki quickly turned to see Doumeki staring at Watanuki with his usual stoic expression.

"Why you... of course not! It's because it's raining and..."

"You didn't bring an umbrella?"

"Well obviously!" Watanuki turned away, crossing his arms to sulk. He was thinking that now Doumeki would leave with a smug look, whilst Watanuki would be left stranded at school.

'Yeah, that would be something he would do-'

Watanuki was dragged out of his thoughts as he felt the taller boy take hold of the smaller boy's arm, pulling Watanuki out of the door and then opening his umbrella.

"What are you doing?!"

"I'm going to walk you home."

"But...why?"

"Because I want to."

Watanuki's eyes widen slightly surprised at this answer, before he looked away mumbling.

"I'm not a girl you know."

"I know that. You're my friend, right?"

Watanuki felt himself smiling. "Thank you."

"It's no problem, I just don't want an idiot to catch a cold."

"Who are you calling an idiot? Idiot..."

Watanuki didn't yell, but instead he felt Doumeki reach out for his hand. The spectacled boy thought about shaking his hand away from the other hand, then preparing to give Doumeki a rant of a lifetime. Instead he squeezed the hand softly as they made their way out of the gates.

That was when the rain had stopped.

"Dammit all!!"

And that was when Watanuki saw Doumeki smile and laugh happily.

It had defiantly been a good day for Watanuki.


	9. a walk down childhood lane part 2

GAH! This took forever to write DX

sorry about the slow update, but a million things are happening at the same time. Oh well, my goal is to finish this fic before the summer holidays are over!!!

THANK YOU! To everyone who reviewed and still reading this fic, you all get Dounuts and a Mokona hat:)

this chapter was longer than I had expected it to be, so all the reasons why Watanuki forgot Doumeki and etc will be explained in the next chapter... but for now we have the rest of the flash back. I hope you all enjoy it!

Chapter 9

(Flash back continued)

It had now been two weeks since Watanuki had arrived to the school and every day he had always been with Doumeki, despite telling everyone that they were rivals. Watanuki felt that even though this Doumeki Shizuka was annoying, food stealing (he always takes a bit of Watanuki's lunch, though he did say Watanuki could have some of his lunch if he want) idiot - he was someone Watanuki didn't mind getting close to. He didn't mind talking with Doumeki or sharing text books when there wasn't enough to go around the class. He didn't mind when they were walking on their way to school and Doumeki held his hand again. It just felt good, although Watanuki would never say so, Watanuki secretly admitted to himself that Doumeki was a really good friend.

"Lets go to the park after school."

"What?" Watanuki stopped daydreaming and raised his head to see those amber eyes again staring at him. In about two seconds flat Watanuki turned red again and started yelling at the taller boy. "What makes you think I want to go to the park today, eh!? What if I had something more important to do than go to the park with you."

"Because it's not going to rain today. I think the weather will be nice..." Doumeki seem to draw closer towards Watanuki, just about an inch apart whilst standing in the corridor when they should be on their way to lunch. "...and I thought that we could enjoy it together."

"W-well, okay. I'll go!" Watanuki started to walk past Doumeki, as his face flushed more.

"But we better go have lunch, otherwise we won't have time to eat."

There was a short pause.

"So, we have a date then?"

Watanuki thought that he would have exploded and destroyed the school once those words left Doumeki's mouth.

---

The sun was out, the wind was gently blowing in the breeze and Watanuki was walking along side Doumeki.

"This is not a date!"

"Okay."

"I just thought it would be alright just to hang out for a bit."

"Okay."

"Can you say anything else other than okay?"

"Hn."

"GAH! Your hopeless."

Watanuki was starting to regret agreeing to go out with Doumeki to the park. Suddenly he felt a tap on his shoulder, Doumeki standing right beside him looking stoic as usual.

"What?"

Doumeki leaned in to the spectacled boy's face. Watanuki felt that they were really close, perhaps even close enough to...

"You're it."

"Huh?" Watanuki was left with a blank look, as he saw Doumeki with a smirk before running away from the other boy. The shorter boy squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. He then started to chase after the amber eyed boy.

"Why you... Why are we playing a stupid kid's game!?"

But once they got started, the two seem to be having a lot of fun. At one point, Watanuki pulled on Doumeki, causing the pair of them to fall down to the ground. They found themselves in an awkward position, Watanuki on top of Doumeki with his head hovering over the amber eyed boy. It almost seemed like they would have kissed...

Except at this point Watanuki erupted into a fit of giggles. Doumeki could only respond with a look of confusion.

"Heh heh.. Your face! I love that looked..."

"Love?"

As soon as the words left his mouth, there was silence. Watanuki cursed himself for the slip of the tongue. Looking away from Doumeki's face, the blue eyed boy hoped that Doumeki wouldn't hate him. As the smaller boy moved off the amber eyed boy, Watanuki began to stutter and blush.

"I didn't.. I didn't mean it like that! I meant - I meant...uh... that your face looked funny! That's it! I was laughing at your stupid face! Because it looks so... stop laughing at me!!"

Watanuki waved his arms in the name of fury at the other boy, who was currently sitting up with a grin on his face due to the amusement of the supremely embarrassed boy.

---

It was Valentines day and Watanuki was in deep thought again, as he sat at his desk staring at his text book. Doumeki gazed at the spectacled boy, wondering what could be going through his friend's head.

Months have gone by and Doumeki felt that they have gotten closer, creating a strong bond between the two. They had just hung out most of the times, learning more about each other every time.

Doumeki found that Watanuki was very competitive when playing games like soccer or the tag game. Watanuki found that Doumeki read ghost stories when he was invited over to his house, seeing a large pile stacked neatly on a shelf.

Doumeki had found that Watanuki would blush whenever they had hugged or held hands, whilst Watanuki found that Doumeki had a beautiful smile (not that he would tell the other boy that anytime soon).

The amber eyed boy remembered spending Christmas eve with the other boy since they would both be with their own families on Christmas day. He could remember how cold it was outside and how Watanuki told him off for not dressing properly, which then lead to the shorter boy giving Doumeki a set of blue gloves.

"They're not presents! They're just some old gloves of mine!" even though they seem new and never worn before, the thought of wearing Watanuki's gloves would have been nice.

'As if we were holding hands again.' Doumeki smiled slightly at that thought, only to frown when he looked at the spectacled boy next to him.

Lately, Watanuki was more quiet than usual. It worried the stoic boy that Watanuki could be in some trouble or dealing with a problem on his own. Whatever the reason the amber eyed boy was determined to find out. Once the lesson was over Doumeki stood up to follow the blue eyed boy out the classroom, only to be stopped by a curly haired girl with a pink box of chocolates in her hands.

"Doumeki-kun, I just wanted to give you-"

"Excuse me." Doumeki didn't give the girl a chance to finish her sentence, as he walked out the room to catch up with Watanuki.

---

Watanuki stood in front of his locker, glaring at a small green paper bag containing chocolates for a certain someone.

'It would be weird if I gave them to him today! Doumeki would probably laugh at me, eat the chocolates, laugh at me some more and then he would throw the paper bag at my head!' Watanuki sighed. Last night he had discovered a recipe for making chocolate that was difficult to make. But he had done it all by himself, his Mother and Father were given some and said it was really delicious.

'I want to know if Doumeki would like them too. Maybe he won't mind getting chocolates from me, even if it is Valentines day. We're two guys, it's not the same as a girl giving chocolates. It's got nothing to do with Valentines day... well, maybe a little. But he won't know that!...will he?'

At that point, Watanuki was about to slam his head into his locker door when Doumeki had finally reached him.

"Oi, is everything okay-?" Doumeki was interrupted by a sudden green bag shoved in his face by the other boy, who was currently looking at his shoes.

"These are for you!"

Doumeki looked speechless and did not say anything in response, which did nothing for Watanuki's nerves right now.

"They're... They're just... something I made. Okay." as Watanuki trailed off Doumeki took the bag and said 'thank you', making the small boy's heart beat harder.

"You can't do that!"

The pair turned to see a group of girls staring at both Watanuki and Doumeki, whilst the girl leading the group (the curly haired one from class) continued to speak.

"Boy's don't give chocolates to boys, it's wrong!"

Watanuki wanted the ground to swallow him and disappear from everyone, not because of embarrassment but because he felt guilty for making Doumeki looking like a fool. Watanuki got scared that Doumeki would hate him now for doing something so stupid. He began to regret just about everything he had done since last night, when he had first thought it would be a good idea to make chocolates.

"Why is it wrong?"

Doumeki asked the girl with his usual emotionless tone, to which the girl did not reply. Doumeki went over to his locker and pulled out a small purple box, giving it to Watanuki.

"Happy Valentines."

The tall boy turned, looking at everyone with his cool amber eyes.

"I don't there's anything wrong with giving a best friend chocolates on Valentines day."

"But... he's a boy!"

"So?"

"So...so..."

The girl tried to say something to argue her point, however she just looked down embarrassed and annoyed at losing the debate. The crowd quickly moved on as the teacher came to shoo the students off to their next lesson. Watanuki saw the girl throw a pink box in a nearby bin.

"Was that girl trying to give you chocolates?"

"Hn." Watanuki wanted to punch the taller boy for never answering his questions. Although he couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for the other girl. Now that he thought about it, maybe the girl got upset that Doumeki accepted Watanuki's chocolates and perhaps she didn't get a chance to give her's to Doumeki. Peering from the corner of his eye, he saw Doumeki munching happily on a piece of darker chocolate.

"These are good."

"Well, they should be. It took me forever to make those so I hope you're grateful."

"Hn."

"Gah! Hopeless!" Watanuki opened the purple box and took a chocolate square to eat. Doumeki stopped his eating noises, waiting to hear Watanuki's opinion. After a few moments, Watanuki spoke up.

"These chocolates taste horrible."

"Sorry, I'm not very good at cooking."

"Never mind..." Watanuki smiled softly at Doumeki "It's the thought that's sweet."

---

The weather felt cool, but not too cold. The sky was clear blue, which as Doumeki said it reminded him of Kimihiro's eyes, although Watanuki had told him to shut up and not call him by his first name followed by Watanuki's fluster dance. They were walking home together as usual, talking and smiling at each other. When it came to a split street where one way lead to Doumeki's home and the other lead to Watanuki's home, Doumeki turned to Watanuki as he smiled and waved his hand.

"See you tomorrow."

---

When Doumeki arrived home, he saw his mother looking distressed.

"Shizuka, I'm afraid I have some bad news... it's about Grandfather... He's very ill at the moment and..."

Doumeki's mother broke into tears, telling her son that his Grandfather had been sent to hospital and the doctor were not sure of how much time he had left. sure She told him to go straight to his room to pack everything he would need. The amber eyed boy did as he was told, feeling a twisted emotion inside his stomach as he worried for his Grandfather.

As the whole family drove off in the car, Doumeki just realized that he didn't tell Watanuki that he was going to be away for awhile.

'I guess I'll have to tell him where I went when I get back...'

---

Two weeks later Doumeki and his family had returned home, relived that the older man had now recovered from his illness, which turned out to be the flu. Doumeki would have arrived home sooner, if it wasn't for the car breaking down - which caused his Father to have a rant dance that made Doumeki think of Watanuki. So the family stayed in Doumeki's grandfather's home, and in all that time the young boy had started to daydream about a certain blue eyed boy...

'Watanuki...'

Now that he was back home, Doumeki couldn't wait to see his friend again. His mother had written him a note to give into the school's office, explaining his absence and told him to say hi to Watanuki when he saw him.

But Doumeki never made it to school that day.

Doumeki was passing through the park, when he noticed a boy sitting on the swings. It took the tall boy a few seconds to realize that it was Watanuki. There was a leap of joy in Doumeki's heart that tempted him to run over to the smaller boy, which then sunk as the amber eyed boy felt that something was not right. There was something in the boy's posture that seemed to have a 'gloomy' feel to it. So instead, Doumeki chose to make his way over to the swings cautiously. As he stepped closer, the amber eyed boy noticed tears falling down the pale face.

"Kimihiro?"

Just for that moment it felt good to say Watanuki's name again.

The smaller boy snapped his head up looking surprised to hear Doumeki. The tall boy thought for sure that Watanuki would yell at him for disappearing or for sneaking up on the boy without making a sound. But instead the boy leapt up and embraced Doumeki, crying harder than before. Just like that rainy day, two arms wrapped round the blue eyed boy as if trying to protect Watanuki from anymore pain or harm from anyone else.

"What happened?" behind the stoic tone there was a sense of gentle worry, which somehow soothed the distressed spectacled boy. "Did someone hurt you?"

"My- my parents... they're...gone."

"Gone?"

"Dead" a sob followed afterwards, causing Watanuki to shake harder, Doumeki wasn't sure of what he should do so he started to rub the shorter boy's back in hope of calming him down a bit. After awhile the pair went towards a bench, with Watanuki holding onto Doumeki - as if he was afraid of losing him. Watanuki was the first to speak, sounding quiet but loud enough for the boy to hear.

"I thought, you were gone forever. You didn't say goodbye or anything."

"I'm sorry, my grandfather was sick and we had to leave incase...in case something happened to him."

"I'm not angry. I just felt lonely." Watanuki rested his head on Doumeki's shoulder, feeling a headache coming along. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

There was a beautiful silence between the two. One absorbing the other's presence, gaining a wholesome and comforting feeling that made the two feel almost complete. All the hurt Watanuki had felt when he had been told of his parent's death, and the thought of Doumeki never coming back felt painful in his heart. It felt like a big weight of emotion was crushing down on him, but it was lifted the minute Doumeki had appeared. There was still a feeling of grief for his parents lingering in his mind, but the touch of the amber eyed boy's hand had made Watanuki feel safe and secure. Even if it was only for now, it still felt ever so nice.

---

Doumeki watched the shorter boy staring at the sky, hands still connected with each other which had reminded Watanuki that he still had something to be happy about.

"I never even got to say goodbye to them." Watanuki did not have any more tears to shed, but his voice sounded as if he was ready to cry again. Doumeki stroked his thumb over the side of the pale hand still holding onto his own, not knowing what to say to comfort the blue eyed boy.

"Do... you want to come and stay at my house?"

Watanuki snapped out of his sad expression to a look of surprise, those beautiful eyes widening and staring in Doumeki's direction.

"What?"

"I said, do you want to come and stay at my house."

Amber eyes stared back into blue eyes, emotions that clearly said 'let me help you, let me protect you' which make Watanuki feel like he had butterflies in his stomach. Watanuki wanted to say yes. He wanted so badly to be with Doumeki, to hold his hand, to laugh, to yell, to cry, to smile... but...

'I'm afraid...' Watanuki had a fear in his heart. For two weeks, he had truly believed that Doumeki was gone forever. When his classmates had spread a rumor that Doumeki moved away (even though he knew now that it was just a rumor), he felt a part of him become hollow. He remembered crying and being embraced by his mother who didn't know why her son was crying so much... it felt warm, to know that at least his parents were still there.

'But now they're gone... what would happen if Doumeki disappeared too?' Watanuki knew it would hurt much more than the first time Doumeki went away. The spectacled boy shook his head, breaking away from the eye contact with the amber eyed boy.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Your... what if your parents don't want me there?"

"My parents like you. They wouldn't mind..."

"And what if they did mind?"

"It wouldn't be their problem, because I'm the one who wants you."

'Want me?' Watanuki knew he was blushing now.

"Watanuki. You're... very important to me. If I lost you, I would be sad too."

Doumeki's eyes filled with warmth for the young boy, whom caught a glance of this feeling radiating from those eyes.

"Kimihiro, I want to say... that I like you. I really like you." There was a tone of confidence and certainty in his words, as if he was making a pledge for the smaller boy. "I choose you Watanuki."

Inside Watanuki at this moment, emotions were conflicting against each other - battling to decide whether or not that Doumeki could be trusted. Was watanuki really the one Doumeki liked the most? Why did Watanuki felt this way about the boy too... why was it that Doumeki was the only one who could make him feel so confused, make his heart beat so fast, make him feel lost when he was gone...

"No... don't say that..." Watanuki barely whispered those small words, but Doumeki was able to catch them.

"Kimihiro?"

"If you say stuff like that..." Watanuki stood up from the bench, hands clenched as he looked away from Doumeki, "...I'll end up believing you."

"I'm telling the truth. I choose you..."

"Stop it!" Watanuki turned to push the taller boy, who just caught hold of those delicate hands. "If you keep saying things like that, I'll believe you! Then when you're gone, it'll hurt."

Watanuki began to sob again, Doumeki loosening his grip on the hands feeling confused himself. Did this mean that his Kimihiro liked him back? And if so, why did it hurt the smaller boy so much?

'_Then when you're gone, it'll hurt.'_

Ah. Doumeki saw what Watanuki had meant. The blue eyed boy had just lost his parents and thought he had lost a friend too, and so it wasn't that Watanuki didn't trust him - it was a fear of losing another person. Doumeki tried to hug the spectacled boy, but Watanuki managed to struggle out of the grip and ran.

Doumeki ran with all his might after Watanuki, who had tears streaming down his eyes. He didn't know where he was running to nor the reason why he was running from his friend, it was just an urge that Watanuki felt that he had to do.

However, once they both ran out the park, Watanuki was in the middle of the street when he noticed a truck speeding towards him. For some reason he couldn't move out the way quick enough.

"Kimihiro!"

It all happened so fast. Doumeki had jumped in front of the boy, trying to push him out of the way. But then they were both hit, everything went so slow. Watanuki whispered before he came in contact with the ground.

"Shizuka."

Then everything went black for the pair of them.


	10. thank you

Heh heh heh, sorry about the cliffhanger in the previous chapter XD

Still I'm glad that people are still reading this. We have one more chapter to go before it is over. Oh le sigh...

I apologize for this short and badly written chapter but I wrote it at 4:00am in the mist of insomnia whilst listening to Utada :)

Animegrl1047: I'm at sixth form college already, it's hard work :( it's a different system in England, but I think sixth form is the equivalent of high school... meh. Anyways, you're right about the accident. I know it's not really original, but we get dounuts out of this story XD Thank you for reviewing!

Also thank you to Zafiro Okami, korovee, oztan, Saina Tsukino and everyone who is still reading. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Chapter 10

(End of Flash back)

Watanuki stared at the amber eyed man, images rushing through his mind. That boy. The boy who he can remember smiling to him, who was always with him and the one he met on a rainy day. But... how were such valuable memories forgotten? The spectacled man broke out of his thoughts as Doumeki continued his story of the past.

"I woke up in the hospital with a broken leg a week later. Everyone thought that I was going to be stuck in a coma... Anyway, when I had asked my parents what had happened to you, they had told me that you wasn't so badly injured - that I had taken most of the damage from the accident. I can remember feeling happy that I had been able to protect you a little in some way..."

Watanuki could feel his heart beat faster when he saw the sincere expressed on that normally stoic face. Although after a moment or so, the smile had turned into a frown - looking as if he just thought of a painful memory.

"However, they said that you hit your head really hard. It wasn't enough to cause any pain or enough to give you a scar... but it caused you to have some memory loss." Doumeki paused.

"Even though the Doctors said that it was meant to be temporary, I never saw you again..."

Watanuki couldn't help but to be hypnotized by those wonderful eyes. Both men were now caught in each other's trance, staring into the eye of the other. The spectacled man felt that he could hear sadness in Doumeki's deep voice, making him feel a pang of sympathy within his heart for the taller man.

"...I went by your house everyday, even when a new family moved in. I tried to find out what had happened to you but no one would tell me."

"So... how did you find me?"

"...Hitsuzen..."

"Huh?"

"I couldn't find you. I did stop looking after awhile, but I felt that someday we would meet again. I was worried about leaving home since I thought that you would come back someday, however, my grandfather had left me to be the owner of his book shop when he passed away. Although my father said that I didn't have to keep the shop, that I could sell it if I wanted. But I always knew that he would have wanted me to keep the store running... so I chose to move here."

A warm hand touched Watanuki's own, causing the blue eyed man to blush again as he felt the sparks light up inside from the simple contact.

"And then a few years later, I met you again... I guess it must have been fate." Doumeki's smile sent a wave of memories of Doumeki as a child, rushing through Watanuki's mind.

Watanuki felt that one by one, the memories came back to him. There were still some missing pieces from his memory, but for now the blue eyed man did not care. He knew now who the mystery child was and that he no longer felt as empty as before. His heart felt complete, a warmth that Watanuki had not felt since Himawari was alive spread throughout his body.

He was so happy, that it was almost overwhelming. Watanuki drew closer to Doumeki and embrace his thin arms around those broad shoulders, which in response caused strong arms to wrap around his waist. The spectacled boy smiled and whispered into Doumeki's ear.

"No wonder I couldn't recognize you... you were really cute back then."

Doumeki widen his eyes as they pulled apart slightly, Watanuki still in the taller man's lap with his arms hooked around his neck.

"You remembered me?"

"Not everything. But I did remember small things... I assumed that you had just left. I couldn't remember anything else after that, just my parent's death and going to Yuuko's home. But now... it's all coming back." tears of joy began to form in the corner of those blue eyes, smiling lovingly at Doumeki.

"I can't remember everything, but it's coming back... thank you."

Before Doumeki could say anything, Watanuki placed a kiss gently on his lips. A sweet kiss soon became passionate, as delicate pale fingers ran through Doumeki's short black hair. When they had pulled apart for air, the pair had found their position had changed. Watanuki was lying down on the bed, right underneath Doumeki. They were so close, it felt as if the were sharing the same breath, the same heart beat...

'The same heart...' Watanuki though to himself as a true smile grew on his face, making the amber eyed man feel as if he was melting inside from this strong but sweet emotion. Doumeki lowered his head to kiss the spectacled man's neck gently, then whispering in his ear...

"Thank you for remembering me."

Watanuki looked surprised, but returned to his heart-warming smile. Leaning into Doumeki they shared another kiss, just as heavenly as the previous kisses that told Doumeki he, Watanuki Kimihiro, accepted this man with all his heart.

And on that night, they had both indulged their selves to expressive their love for one another.

Doumeki and Watanuki had both found what they had wanted, and Watanuki felt the love that he had thought would never come to him ever again...

Even if it was raining, nothing could change this wonderful moment of healing, remembrance and love. For that, they were both grateful.


	11. the epilogue

Tut tut tut... no one read my previous burble where I said I would write another chapter. Oh well, here it is... and now I have officially finished my first fan fic! YAY!

Secriden: when Doumeki and Watanuki are involved anything is possible! XD

I guess I did pace things up... but I'd like to think doumeki is and exception. Anyways, thank you for reviewing :)

Thank you to oztan, Little-fox012, Saina Tsukino and everyone who took the time to read my story, I hope you all enjoy the ending of this fic!

The Epilogue

_5 Months later..._

It was close to dawn and Watanuki was staring at the sleeping face of his lover. Doumeki looked so peaceful, so handsome, that the young blue eyed man had a strong urge to reach out and touch his stoic face. But Watanuki didn't want to wake him up, thinking that it would only cause Doumeki to worry about him.

'Because it's just like him to jump to conclusions... even if it is sweet, I'm not a damsel in distress dammit!'

Watanuki remembered visiting Yuuko's house a few days ago to bake a birthday cake for the twins. He had tripped over and was caught by Doumeki before his head hit the stove top. Yuuko witnessing the incident instantly said that Doumeki was his night in shining amour... and that he was his princess.

"Why the hell am I the princess!?" The spectacled man waved a wooden spoon threateningly in Yuuko's direction, whilst Doumeki was currently in the clutches of two little girls tying multicolored ribbons around each leg (and as always he had the same blank face, not really caring and continue to help make the icing).

"I'm only teasing you." Yuuko grinned, a mischievous twinkle in her eye. "Of course I could actually picture you in a fairy tale situation with Doumeki..."

"Yeah! Watanuki could be a damsel in distress, ready to be saved by Doumeki who rides a big horse!" Mokona chirped in, giggling whilst hyper on oxygen.

Watanuki looked as if he was ready to explode.

"I am not a dam damsel in distress!! Doumeki, tell them!"

Doumeki passively looked in Watanuki's direction, before turning to Yuuko as he answered in his usual mono-tone voice.

"Yes. He is a man."

"Couldn't you think of something better to say? Couldn't you at least say it with enthusiasm!?"

Pause.

"He is very much a man."

Watanuki threw another tantrum for the fifth time in that day as everyone else laughed, Doumeki smirking slightly.

Watanuki sighed softly as he remembered Moro asking him if he was okay now... she asked if he was still sad for Himawari-chan. For a brief moment there was sadness in Watanuki, but it was overcome with one glance at the amber eyed man setting the table and Watanuki felt warm inside again.

'I'm not sad any more.'

The blue eyed man continued to stare at the sleeping form next to him. Even if he was annoying, rude and looked emotionless as a rock, Doumeki had given him love that Watanuki thought would never reach him again. The spectacled man had worried a few times after having a rant at the tall man, worried that Doumeki might take him seriously and leave. But when Watanuki had apologized after a major angry fit, Doumeki had laughed at him and said that he was an idiot. Watanuki was ready him give him a piece of his mind, if it wasn't for the tongue in his mouth and Doumeki holding him in that way... Watanuki blushed, trying to shake those thoughts out his head.

'Honestly! I'm becoming a total pervert... and it's all Doumeki's fault.'

Watanuki subconsciously smiled at the calm face next to him. Thinking back to what Moro had said to him, the blue eyed man started to think about Himawari again. He knew now that his heart didn't hurt every time he thought about Himawari. He felt that he had almost moved on at last. But there was still something Watanuki felt that he had to do...

Carefully, he placed a light feather kiss on Doumeki's forehead and smiled. Reluctantly he pulled away and sat up, reaching over to the low table nearby to pick up his glasses. Getting out of the futon, Watanuki looked back and remembered the night he had left this apartment for the first time. He reached over to cover Doumeki properly with the blanket, whispering to his lover.

"I'll be back soon Shizuka."

---

It was cold outside. The air felt sharp against the pale man's skin, making Watanuki hug his coat closer to his body. He had reached the graveyard and was now standing in front of Himawari's grave.

"Hello, it's been awhile hasn't it?" It felt strange to Watanuki. Every time he had been near this grave, emotions always overwhelmed him like a powerful wave hitting him with full force. But now, he could only feel a lukewarm mixed feeling of sadness and happiness.

"It doesn't hurt anymore... before I would cry whenever I was near this grave, because all I could think of was you and... and how lonely I felt. Before I didn't want to betray you, incase I hurt you. Even if you are dead, you still felt alive in my heart."

A tear formed at the corner of the blue eye, as a warm smile shone upon Watanuki's face.

"But now Doumeki has come into my life, which turned out that he was that little boy I told you about... only now he's a great big stupid lug who never listens to what I say and never says thank you for my meals. But even so..." Watanuki was unaware of the person now staring at him from a distance, listening to every word the young man was saying.

"...he's always there for me. He cheers me up even when he's acting like a jerk, he's there to listen when I need to talk, he... he makes me feel so loved."

The tear fell from his eye and a Watanuki felt a lump in his throat, unable to finish what he was saying. After a minute or so he finally spoke up again.

"I'm sorry if I had hurt you, but I've decided to move on. I love you still, but Doumeki... I can't explain it... I just love him the most right now and I don't think that's going to change."

Watanuki then gave the grave a small bow, whispering softly as a tear drop fell to the ground.

"Thank you... for being with me. I'll never forget you."

Standing up straight, Watanuki smiled and turning around to return to the flat. Only the young man walked straight into Doumeki who was standing close behind Watanuki.

"What the...Shizuka?! What kind of idiot sneaks up on a person and stands so close without making any noise? And what are you doing down here? I thought you were-"

Watanuki was cut off in mid-sentence as two strong arms wrapped around his shoulders, pulling the spectacled man into the amber eyed man's embrace. Before Watanuki could get a word in edge ways, he felt his lovers lips on his own kissing him with a gentle force. Once again, Watanuki lost himself in the kiss as a rush of emotions passed through him like a gentle colorful wind wrapping around the pair - making the rest of the world seem non-existent, just for a moment. When they had eventually pulled away from the kiss, they remain holding each other as Watanuki looked into those tranquil amber.

"What are you doing out here in the cold?"

"Isn't that my line?" Watanuki murmured as Doumeki tilted his head slightly, still keeping eye contact with his lover.

"I was worried about you. You just left the apartment without leaving a note."

"Did you think I would run away?"

"You did before."

"Yeah, but that was when we first met... or should I say, the second time we first met..."

Watanuki looked away, leaning his head onto Doumeki's shoulder.

"Kimihiro, are you okay?"

"Yeah. I just felt it was something I had to do."

There was silence between the two where Watanuki felt at ease, absorbing the peace and warm surrounding him. Taking a breath in Watanuki thought Doumeki smelt like a mixture of a faint spice and like earth that has been rained on. This made Watanuki bury his head into Doumeki's neck, thinking to himself 'He's not so bad all the time...'

Suddenly, Watanuki felt himself being lifted up and being carried bridal style by none other than Doumeki Shizuka.

"What the hell are you doing!?"

"Going back to the apartment."

"But why like this?"

"Because you weren't moving at all and I don't want either of us to catch a cold."

"You didn't even give me a chance! Put me down right now you bastard!"

"No."

"Why not!?"

"Because I don't want to."

'Dammit, but it's times like these I just wanna punch this jerk in the face...' Watanuki glared at Doumeki (even though to Doumeki it looked like pouting) then looked away, mumbling to himself.

"I'm not a damn princess."

"I know, you're a man." Doumeki kissed Watanuki on the forehead, making the spectacled man blush bright red.

"Sh-shut up and put me down!"

"No."

"Stupid Shizuka... see if I cook for you tomorrow!"

"I want to have sushi for lunch."

"GAH! You never listen to me. I don't take orders! Dammit, I hate you!"

"I love you too."

Watanuki's eyes widen in shock at the reply, feeling his heart pace faster at those words. It made him feel slightly light-headed and giddy. Once again he buried his face into Doumeki's neck, whispering near the tall man's ear.

"Idiot...I love you too."

As the sun began to rise, Watanuki could feel that he had found his heart again. He no longer feared being alone nor feared abandonment. He had now placed all his love and trust in Doumeki, knowing that they both now had an unbreakable bond that felt like it could last forever. Whenever he went to Yuuko's to work or babysit, Doumeki would either wait for him to finish or come and help out (the children had grown to like Doumeki, although Mokona had suggested that the two men were like a Mom and Dad - referring the 'Mom' part to Watanuki, which he strongly disagreed on). Whenever he had finished early or had a day off, he would take some bento with him to give Doumeki at his book shop. Sometimes he would help out, or sometimes they would close the shop early for a 'passionate' moment. Watanuki and Doumeki lived happily together. Sometimes there would be some rough patches in their life, but they would eventually find a way to over come those times...

Now that they had each other, the pair could now say they were content. But most of all they were happy and felt completed.

Even when it's raining, there is always shelter.


End file.
